Live a better life by setting personal boundaries
Manage your energy, improve your well-being
"Every time we catch ourselves getting reactive, every time we catch ourselves acting as if the outcome of the situation has the authority to name who we are, we are to take a deep breath and remind ourself that it’s not true.” —James Finley, quoted in Richard Rohr's Center for Action and Contemplation daily newsletter
Now is a great time to assess your emotional boundaries. The holidays are around the corner and at least for me; I want my holidays to be more enjoyable without coming to the end of December exhausted and stressed.
James Finley’s quote touches on personal boundaries. If we delegate our authority to a situation, another person, or group, then we lose our agency to decide and to use our connection to infinite intelligence to live.
Life is so complicated now that it’s easy to let personal boundaries slip rather than to stand up for what we want or what we believe. Many disparate points of view can challenge us to stay connected with who we are.
Understanding boundaries will help you manage your energy and your life. Weak boundaries scatter your energy and focus, keeping you from having a better life.
Recognizing weak boundaries
The list below are examples of what you may feel if you don’t have supportive boundaries in place.
1. You feel overwhelmed.
2. You’re exhausted.
3. You don’t have a plan for what’s next.
4. You’ve lost touch with who you are at the core of your being.
5. You hesitate to say no when you want to.
Why are boundaries important?
There are many reasons and three of them are below.
1. Personal boundaries make it easier to keep your energy strong and centered.
2. Personal boundaries minimize the times you are tempted to do what’s not yours to do.
3. Personal boundaries give you space to hear more of your soul’s guidance and focus on what you want.
Why is that important?
You’ll be better able create what you want and succeed at what you desire.
You’ll find your health and well-being improves.
You’ll set an example for the people in your life.
Types of boundaries that empower you
Emotional - Emotional boundaries strengthen your self-regard, self-esteem, and your sense of peace and calm. How you interact with others and how you allow them to treat you relates to your emotional boundaries. Not taking criticism personally is an example of a healthy personal boundary. Excessive worry and stress over criticism is an example of a weak boundary.
I don’t watch the news or certain types of movies. Violence and harm to others make me squeamish because these events trigger my sense of empathy. I don’t understand why these things happen. When world events get loud like they are now, I want to put my head in the sand like an ostrich or hide like a cat in some undiscoverable closet. Not seeing the visuals is a boundary I’ve found helps protect my emotional energy.
Physical - Physical boundaries are how you use your personal space, how you schedule your available time, what you say is ok or not with your body. I am sensitive to sound, so I make sure that I have headphones or a white noise device in the background when I need to concentrate or sleep. How do you set up your environment so you can be the most productive? If you have kids, teach them to speak up if someone crosses their personal physical boundaries.
Mental - Mental boundaries are knowing when your energy is depleted and any further work would create diminishing returns. Avoiding appropriate mental boundaries can lead to burnout. Another important aspect of mental energy is what you tell yourself. Listen to your thoughts for a day. Are you being your worst enemy? Change your thoughts and place some boundaries around what you allow into your head.
I have to put boundaries on my thoughts. I know my mind is out-of control when I have fearful and repetitive thoughts of disaster, failure or doom. I’ve learned to stop the mind spin sooner and experience less stress. To break a disruptive pattern in your mind, you can get up and move, drink some water, or shake it off. Moving is one of the best techniques to change your mood.
SAVE THE DATE
On November 7 at 7 p.m., I will lead a Zoom workshop on setting personal boundaries. You’ll receive a questionnaire before to prepare for the class. You’ll walk away with actionable steps and an understanding of where your boundaries can be strengthened. I’ll send a separate email with registration details. Paid subscribers to The Light in Us will be invited to this workshop as a welcome gift.
May you be happy
May you be blessed
May you be free and peaceful
May you be ever loved
May you be always loving
- Thich Nhat Hanh