Being the Calm in the Center of Life's Storms
Leading with Inner Peace
Recently, while working one-on-one with a group of leaders, many mentioned the stress they were experiencing and how much change was happening around them. What kept coming up for me was to suggest that they learn to become the calm in the storm. Leaders, whether in a family, at work, or in a community group, can be a space for people to find their center again when everything around them changes or is in conflict.
In today’s complex, divisive culture, people can feel lost and confused, not to mention experiencing high anxiety, anger, frustration, or even checking out. We need someone in our lives to be calm in the center of the storm.
As humans, it’s not realistic to escape problems swirling around us. Health issues, the death of a loved one, troubles at home, sorting out relationships, money worries, and work-related stress that never ends are situations where emotions can get the best of us.
As leaders of your family and your work teams, it’s good to tap into your sense of inner peace when everyone around you freaks out, acts out, loses control, misbehaves, and is generally disruptive.
Someone needs to be calm. Why not you?
I haven’t always been as calm as I feel now. For many years, I reacted from my emotions and had lower impulse control with what I said when I was upset. Seeking to be a better person and leader, I signed up for a personal growth program and enrolled in a Management Effectiveness Coaching Program. After years of meditating, self-reflection, learning and applying emotional intelligence skills, and learning about innate human differences, I can manage my responses in most situations and, nearly always, respond compassionately from a calm center. I have more times when I come from inner peace, which is beneficial for building relationships and helping solve problems.
If you can lead with inner peace like the calm in the center of the storm, it means that:
Your minor conflicts will not escalate and will smooth over more easily.
You are effective at processing and managing your emotions and your stress.
You can address things that are hurtful calmly, and you can gently assert your boundaries.
You have more energy because you focus on what’s important instead of trying to manage drama.
You can smooth frayed nerves and rattled emotions in others without taking on their energy.
You can maintain a more stable outlook even when it may seem like everything is falling apart around you. Coming from your inner peaceful nature helps calm others.
Part of being calm amid chaos is holding space for people to find their inner calm. This path requires mindfulness, intention, and compassion on your part, but it will benefit you and those around you. Below are approaches to cultivating inner peace and your ability to bring calm to difficult situations.
Embrace Acceptance
Change, drama, illness, and chaos are natural parts of life's journey. Instead of resisting or fearing them, embrace them as opportunities for growth and learning. It’s easier said than done, but one way to do this is to shift your perspective to the bigger picture and accept what is happening as part of your life path. You’re here now in this moment. How can you accept what is happening? Resistance and fear are like a tsunami to your inner peace and calm. By accepting what is, you can move to mindful consideration of what’s next.
Practice Mindfulness
Cultivate mindfulness through meditation, deep breathing, or simply tuning into the present moment. Anchoring yourself in the here and now can help you detach from the turbulence of your thoughts and others’ thoughts, emotions, and actions. Slowing down and focusing on your breath will increase your ability to feel present. Finding a quiet place to sit and focus on your breath, even for a few minutes, contributes to a mindful disposition and cultivates inner peace.
Nurture Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. I find this one slips from my awareness, and I can be self-critical about decisions and things I did or didn’t do. My mother passed in 2016, and I occasionally wake up at night thinking of decisions I made in her last days and wondering how I could have done better. If you mull over past decisions, consider telling yourself, “I do my best in every moment. My best is good enough because I respond with the information and details I have available now.” I have to tell myself that I did my best for her. A hospice nurse even said to me that her path was her path and not to second-guess myself. This is a situation where I needed to follow the “Embrace Acceptance” tip above, but I didn’t know then what I know now.
Focus on What You Can Control
In times of disruption, chaos, change, and grief, focus your energy on what you can control rather than fixating on what you can't. So many people try to control things that aren’t theirs or that they cannot change, which gives them a false sense of security. By focusing on what you can do, you reclaim a sense of agency and stability. Another principle that fits here is not to do things for people who can do it themselves. Your inner peace will grow when you let go of controlling those things.
Seek Support
You may need to lean on your family, friends, or professional support network during challenging times. A walk with a friend, a lunch out, a well-deserved massage, or a trip to a nature center are all excellent support strategies. Often, I wait until I’m about to collapse to realize, “Hey, I need some self-care or need to talk to someone.” Then, I tend to overreact and not come from my inner peace and sense of agency. So, my advice is to schedule time for whatever you need for support. If you can get away and treat yourself before it all blows over, it will help you regroup, reground, and get back to that calm center that draws people to you.
Keep a Grounded Perspective
The phrase “This too shall pass” is helpful to stay grounded. Remember, these situations will eventually pass, and clearer skies await on the horizon. Being grounded means you feel connected in your body, mind, and spirit. You can think clearly, breathe evenly, and feel stable. Having a grounded perspective means acknowledging the positives and negatives in a situation and making decisions, understanding the emotions involved and the impact on people.
Find Beauty in the Chaos
When experiencing difficult times, make a point to seek out moments of beauty and wonder. Seeing a rainbow is a glorious moment for me. It reminds me to be mindful, slow down, and enjoy the moment. My inner peace is restored. Whether it's a ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds or the sound of rain soothing the earth, focusing on the beauty around you can nourish your spirit.
I took the video below when my mother-in-law was in the hospital, and I needed a respite. This waterfall is part of a healing garden at a Dallas hospital. Enjoy a few seconds of peaceful water sounds.
Wherever you are in life, consider these strategies to cultivate your inner peace and develop strength for life’s joys, challenges, griefs, and adventures. Be present for those precious moments we let slip by if we aren’t mindful.
May the light in you brighten the light in others today.
Lovely framework and so critical today - thank you!